Sfumato – Managing ambiguity and change

One of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn was to stop being so black and white in my thinking and learn how to be grey.


When I was a child, every thing was yes or no, right or wrong, everything was absolute.  Of course as a child, I did not know that I was thinking in an absolute manner, but I was. I'm not sure of this was a my personality or a result of the religious upbgringing I was raised in, but to me anyone breaking any of the rules was wrong and should be punished.

Looking back, I am inclined to think that this came from the religious background and was NOT an innate part of my personality. 

I think I used to be a lot like Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter Books. She was bookworm, a know-it-all bossy boots, and one who frequently tattled on Harry to the teachers. That is one reason why I dont like her. She reminds too much me of myself when I was her age.

Hermione would withdraw into her books when people became angry at her. Well I used to do the same. I would often withdraw into my books to read just to escape the maelstrom of emotions around me.

It was not until I was in my mid to late 20's when I went through quite a lot of counselling where I learned the phrase that freed me from guilt - It's not my problem. I also learned that nothing is absolute and that change is inevitable.

So I have learned to be more flexible, and a LOT more open minded. Whether or not someone else is breaking the rules, is no longer my problem. I just need to look out for me. Of course now that I am married, Looking out for me now extends to my spouse and children as well.

You have to learn to be flexible about plans as well. Plans do change. Something happens that is out of your control and you suddenly have to change your plans. You have to learn to be flexible and go with the flow.


There are some areas I have trouble with changing.

I can use a PC computer with no problems, and I love surfing the internet. But after I saw the movie The Devil Wears Prada, I made a subconcious decision to never ever own a cell phone. WHY NOT? Because I do not want to be a slave to the phone, or to be at someones beak and call like Andy (Main character in that movie)  was. After all, that IS why I have a landline at home.


So be open minded and flexible to changes,

I think it was Heraclitus who said it best. There is nothing permanent - except change.